Crafty

Crafty is one of my favorite words. It brings to mind a burst of other adjectives in my head, like the flash and echo of a distant firework: nifty, cunning, DIY. Crafty is fun, too, because of its wildly different definitions: 1) to be skilled at or inclined to doing crafts and 2) to be cunning, tricky, inclined to deceit. Yesterday was full of craftiness for me, in both senses of the word.

1. To be skilled at or inclined to doing crafts

Christy, a coworker/friend on mine invited a whole bunch of us over for Vietnamese spring rolls and craft time. When we were on vacation in Yangshuo a few weeks ago, we saw some beautiful hand-painted t-shirts. Being similarly inclined to DIY fun, she hunted down some fabric paints and we all brought a shirt to destroy paint. 

Now I've long since come to terms with my inability to paint. Give me some wool and I will craft that sucker to dead, but in my hand a paintbrush never quite lives up to what my mind designs. But I gave it a go, regardless. Christy has a number of art and fashion books, including one of portraits of women in traditional han fu. I stole/adapted a pattern from the neckband of one and attempted to paint it as a stripe down one side of my shirt. It, well, doesn't match the aspirations of my mind's eye, but I don't hate it, and it was fun to hang out with my friends and do crafts. Another friend brought a new knitting project for help. She's knit a scarf before, but now she's making a beret, in the round, on double pointed needles. It's a bit of a jump, skill-wise, but I think she'll manage it. Maybe we can organize a stitch'n'bitch and I can actually make some progress on my socks (untouched for three months and counting -- but who wants to touch wool when it's 98 degrees out?). 

Oh, and before I forget, the spring rolls were quite DIY, too, and super easy and delicious. Expect them to make an appearance in my cooking repertoire when I'm home.

2. to be cunning, tricky, inclined to deceit.

It was a little after ten when I headed home and I was stopped by a man on the street. He had a little girl with him. He asked me (all dialogue is in Mandarin) if I knew how to get to Panyu (a district way on the other side of the city). Are you suspicious yet? You should be. I said it was very far and told him he should take the subway station. He proceeds to tell me a lovely story about how he and his family (apparently the woman off to the side is Mom) from Beijing, in Guangzhou to visit a friend, but it's late, they're lost, and they don't have any money. So if I could just give them enough for a cab across the city... oh, and the little girl's on the brink of tears.

Now, let's talk for a moment about the craft of the con, because this man is certainly trying to be crafty and deceitful. He's just dreadful at it.

1. Stopping a foreigner for help on a street with several Chinese people within sight (but not particularly in earshot). -- Things to assume about foreigners: they don't speak Chinese, they aren't natives, they have a lot of money. In other words, not the person you flag down for directions, but possibly a good mark for a con.

2.  Panyu -- this is the gold standard for 'long trip without leaving the city.'  Now, it is mostly residential, so the 'friend who lives there' is relatively plausible. But I can't quite figure out how one gets so lost between any of the major inbound stations (train, bus, or plane) and Panyu as to end up in my neighborhood.

3. "I'm from Beijing" -- well, you do speak especially clear Mandarin, and I don't have any trouble understanding you. On the other hand, I've got more of a Beijing accent than you, sir. Here's a tip: drop and 'r' or two every other sentence. Even if you're purposely trying to clean up your dialect, the Beijing-trained ear just wants to hear 'yi dianr' not 'yi dian.'

4. "My wife is so upset" -- Yeah, that looks less like a woman overcome with a hopeless situation and more like a bored woman playing games on her cell phone. It's probably why she's over there. The big-eyed, crying kid is much more of a solid play.

Now, this was clearly a con. There was no way it wasn't. It wasn't even particularly skillful or crafty. Still, I did give him some money. You know why? a) Because it was semi-amusing free Chinese practice, and b) because he's a heartless bastard who's using his child to guilt people into giving him cash. He made me angry. You know why your kid is crying? Probably because you told her to. But really, how hard is it to get a five year old to cry when you've got her walking around at 10:15 at night? If that man has a sliver of a soul, he decided my donation to the cause was a sufficient haul for the night and took her home to bed.

Enough of that. It happens in every country, every day, and I don't really care. I'm much more self-centered at the moment. Why is that, you ask? Because I have a cold, and I'm crawling back into bed now. Mommy, come make me some soup.